Engaged!

Don't really know what she really meant here. Was so happy to see her name in mail box. Damn that proxy at my workplace. I could open every site except yahoo mail. Well, who's gonna believe that. Oh boy! the tingling in the stomach when i see the mail, its just the same. I'm so amazed how someone could have such an effect on me. Btw didn't really feel like updating the blog today otherwise i would have written loads. Just to keep note of the date i typed something here.

Bye bye

It's so stupid to type in here. Well, it's not possible for me hereafter to talk to you. I'm leaving chennai tomorrow. All of a sudden my heart is heavy. Yes i'm gonna miss my parents, sister, friends and you too. We haven't met before and don't think it's gonna happen ever yet i'm already missing you badly. Another love and all is highly impossible. Every time i log into yahoo messenger thoughts run in my mind about our endless conversation. How sweet it was. Though i was a pussy it felt so good. Pcch it's high time to be a man. But really can't with you. Whenever we argue i don feel like winning at all. Didn't know that losing gives u such a pleasure. U win always, remember? So, Bye.

Another one

Ha ha ha. Just got the another mail from her. She hates this blog, hates me, hates everything about me. K fine. So she liked the blog or pretended to like it only because of my birthday. This is what she wants me to think. But the mail was so uncharacteristic of her. She never says 'foot' and all. She behaves rude sometimes but not this way. I remember her saying one day," i can make you hate me". I said," it's not going to happen". Slight change now. IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN. This blog will go on and on. This isn't foolishness.

The end BEGINS

Well, i didn't think that i will be continuing with this blog but there are many pieces still left. Ok before that. I gathered courage somehow and sent a mail to all her ids without knowing which is the right one. She replied but wasn't interested. Well who will be after behaving like such a loser in the previous times. After some exchange of words showed her this blog. She was quite impressed. She likes me like me. Don't think she's the one who gives importance to looks, wealth and all. But don't know whether she liked this blog because it's my birthday that day. Anyhow she liked me as myself that's enough for me. Also she accepted my friends request in Yahoo. I asked her to be in my friends list atleast. She is doing just that, nothing more. She is not chatting with me but at least she has accepted my request. Feels so good to see her name in my list. I'm staring at it endlessly. But it's even more intriguing. Like having a rasagulla in front of you and not eating it. It's ok i can't torture her further. It's not fair on my part. She will talk to me one day. Whatever happens life must go on.

The day i'm waiting for

As i said i'm really bad at naming the posts. All text done hear is straight from heart no dictionary or thesaurus of any sort is used to make it gloomy. All might think that the day when she accepts my proposal will be the biggest day. NO. I have in my mind the day in Coffee day i'll introduce her. As i've said to them," machi oru naal elarum avanga avanga aloda coffee day la meet pandrom. Ithu nadakum". It'll be an 8 seater. 3 seats each on both sides and 1 seat each on the other two sides. Those 6 seats will be filled by my friends, one by me and one by my princess. Everyone will be dumbstruck. I want them to chant them in chorus," unna ellam epdi da eva love panna". i'll reply," It is written".
This scene is what comes in my dream again and again. May be it's too much of ask may be i'm over enthusiastic. Whatever. It is written. Because Amores perros.

The third innings

Intha olagathula evalo ponnunga irunthum naan yaen avala kadhalichaen
I can't answer the question but my choice is right. I've chosen the best one. Enna adichadhu antha kadhal thala killa pottu thirupichu. Don't know what connection i have with Gautham but his movies inspire me.
The blog which started as a tool to vent out my frustration actually increased my love on her. And now i'm going to go for her. My quest is clear. The target is tough. But i have plans. I have plans for every person. Once she accepts my proposal. I can make that marriage thing a reality. I'll make it happen.
Let the game begin

Y her

It's her. It is decided. Can't even think of any other girl in my life. It is not that i like everything about her. I too have some dislikes like she is short tempered. I don't like people insulting anyone so didn't like when she said that someone misspelled a word. I know it's to pacify me. But i don't like it at any cost. If she is not good in some topic she treats it like not an important one. She is stubborn. She annoys me sometime. She won't accept her fault etc etc. But the point is she's genuine. That's the one thing i look for in my friends and so i want my girl to be like that too. Many don't know that she's innocent at heart. There are many things other than that. I love it when she speaks Sowrashtra. Will be like a kid at that instant. i love her 'Kha' instead of 'Khayo'. Her English is awesome. But i can't be talking in English after marriage. I love my language. I like the feel of nervousness when talking to her. Also i have to be extra cautious when talking to her. I don't want to lose her. When i used to be in touch with her i don't give a damn of what others think of me. I walk as if i'm a king. I don't worry about anyone. I knew that everyone is going to envy when i get her. ' Evanku epdi da eva matuna'. I would like to hear that from laymen.

In the mean time.

I knew that i can't love another person in my life. One just can't get the feeling again. I still can't forget the first day i saw her in that pink dress. OMG. Ok ok i don't want to start again. But in the mean time i came across a few girls. Pure lust it was. The first one was Miss R. My college junior to me gets down at my stop, very very silent, never talks to anyone but she talks to me. I went and introduced and was gradually growing comfortable. She even came to my house. I finally decided and proposed. Again i say pure lust. Not even one percent of love. No nervousness nothing. She said that her parents have to agree. I knew if i had carried on i could have got her a gf. But said that we'll be in open relationship and not get committed. Then Miss K. She is near my house. Again talks only to me. I knew she was interested in me. Then Miss P. We went to coffee day. She asked what type of girl i liked. I described (Meghna). She said that she's similar to that but i didn't mind. She actually came close to proposing when i said that love and is not possible and we'll just have fun. Then Miss S, as she is interested in fashion i talked a lot of shit about it even though i didn't know abcd of fashion. She was impressed. Again i could have got her but didn't proceed. I know what i'm talking is idiotic but the point is i could not get her out of my mind. All i could do is flirt at the maximum. Other than that i can't proceed. It's her. It is written.

The Second birthday

It was her second birthday after knowing her. Bought my first Cell phone that day. See this is how i want to forget her. I didn't know that it's impossible to forget her then. I wished her, mailed. She Said Thanks, Juku Thanks. I love it when she speaks Sourashtra. She sounds really innocent when she speaks Sourashtra. Then i think the next day she said a new word ' mental virginity '. Each time i talk to her i learn something new. Ha ha. When we were chatting she said that she hugged his ex bf. Don't know from where this topic came. But felt like hot Shit. Then i said that i don't want to talk to her and blah blah. She said that anything could happen in the mean time. I didn't take all those things seriously and big good bye. A Final bye. Her reaction for it was a ' ha ha Final bye '. It was sarcastic i knew but well sketched. She asked my phone number then, citing that she's coming to chennai and would call me but i behaved like an idiot and din give her my number thinking that it will never happen. Whether she loves me or not i should have tried like reel Vikram. That's what she said too. That's it. End of the story.

Comeback of sorts...

On oct 21 before my practical exam i came online to check mail. A big surprise was waiting for me. She came. OMG my joy knew no bounds. I was way too happy. My heart jumped an inch up but i didn't show anything. She said that she saw Varanam Ayiram and it reminded me. I don't know whether it's the case or Divya asked her to talk to me. But was very very happy. She was extremely sweet to me that day. But i behaved like an asshole, i gave one word reply to her citing that i have exam the next day. But she didn't lose her temper. She wished me all the best. I knew i'm going to rock in the exams. She's my lucky charm. I dont worry about anyone when she is with me. Feels great
as if i've conquered the whole world. She said 'Sorry' a lot of times that day. I didn't mind. I was such a loser that day. A big SORRY Meghna. Don't know why the hell i behaved like this. Shit. Also talked with her the next day. She pinged me again. Feels like heaven when she comes and talks to me. But i didn't tell what i was feeling. Avoided her.

The days after it....

The days after it weren't really sad and all. Was missing something surely but made myself busy. Tried very hard not to think about her. Even if her thoughts came i rubbished it. Didn't write much of diary those days. I boozed, smoked. Kind off felt free. Doesn't mean i became addict and all. Smoked some 7 times and boozed 5 times i think. Just wanted to try it. I've quit everything now. I don even drink coffee nowadays. Love to live in extreme. But i'm not going to that extreme again. I went to symposiums, read books saw movies. Did whatever i can to get out of her thoughts. All was in Vain though. She came again and again in my dreams. Damn these dreams. Had to deal all these till OCT 14th.

My call, the dissapoinment and the booze after it.

Well i know the title sounds like some italian cult masterpiece. Came out of nowhere. Ok lets leave that. About the day. March 26 friday. My dads birthday. Next day to Arun's birthday. We planned to booze. I mean beer. We were all excited. As usual I did the planning part. Was so thoroughly planned. So a perfect setting for what was about to happen.

I read the script again and again. Saw VA scenes, the ones with Surya and Sameera. Did top up for RS 50 in Arun's cell. Then Vinayakar temple pond, that's were i called her. Thought it was perfect setting because Vinayakar is her favorite god. Mere coincidence though. I made the call. My heart was pumping. She attended the call. I blabbered what was there in the script. She didn't understand or didn't like that scholarship part. She asked, " so it's a joke". I know i had lost but didn't give up, after all i had prepared for a week. Somehow completed the script.

Then went home happily though i haven't done well. Then she CALLED. The final call. She said, " What you did was wrong, don't ever do that again, do u get that?". I liked that "do you get that" part. Was so sexy. Instead of feeling for it those words circled around me. I know i'm mad.

I showed her picture to Rajendran and Arun. Both didn't like her. They said that i'll get a much better girl. Don't know what does that mean. I don't think anyone is better than her. I won't get that feeling with anyone. They tried to console me by saying she didn't look good. Don't know whether that's true or not. Whatever she's my girl. They were so worried and were about to cancel the booze party but didn't.

We then went to the bar where all were worried that i would drink so much and fall off and dance for Anjale. But all those didn't happen. Drank only half a glass of beer. It was so bad. Yucky. Then smoked a cigarette. Nothing happened. But was so happy that i've achieved something. I like to try new things. Always.

The 'call' script

I was to surprise her as Vinoo said and prepared a script which is below.

Hello may i talk to miss ........ ...... please.
Good evening madam. I'm control officer ( she calls me like that ) of Bharat ( to let her know the call is from India ) institute of Management Studies, and i'm happy to announce that our have got a scholarship based on your high school marks (she's a high school topper). You can collect it via your friends or relatives, all that they have to do is to bring in your school ID card or else you could give your address we will post it madam. Ha ha. ( if she had identified it as me i would have said ' so u have it' or else 'guess who?') I thought of surprising you as you did to me. Ya this is Vikram. So howz you howz college going. Howz m......(her friend) You would have had a busy day no. violin classes. Presentation. What about that Indira Gandhi Speech. You finished. K All the best.

"Some two lines before". I'm in a PCO near my friends house so have to leave in a few minutes. Ohh he has come (not reality). K when shall i call you next ( this one Vinoo said )

Vinoo asked me to call from PCO as i've to surprise her. Arun asked me to message her and then call so that she could make herself free. But i went with Vinoo
I thought of calling her on march 22 but no ISD booth had closed rooms so did on march 26th, on my dads birthday

Friends reaction

When i said this to Arun he asked me to try but said that she isn't very beautiful and there will be a lot of girls like that in Spencers. I know that's a lie but didn't mind it.

Raje didn't have any great thing to say.

Lokesh just wanted me to be careful and check whether she really exists.

Vinoo is what the highlight. He's the playboy of our class and when i said about her he fell in my legs saying," machi naan chumma ingae thaan figurungla correct pannitu irukaen nee overseasae...... nee engayo poitae da, inimae nee thaan guru". As if i've got her

As i said that she had called me he said that she had interest on me and asked me to call. I knew that's not the correct time to do so. But prepared myself to call. He wanted me to surprise her.

The post match conference

Was blabbering about the call for quite some time. Then had some weird thoughts of her appearing online to me. Wasn't able to chat. When asked about his facebook account she said that she's very active there and has put a lot of photos and i'll suffocate. But i sent a request she had accepted it to check my stuffs. As i created account to only be in touch with her had nothing in it. She then rejected and i felt dejected. This happens every fucking time.

Happiest day in my life

I can't forget even a single moment of that day. Was very elated. I didn't think even i could behave like this. March 8 eve 4:40 i guess i had a nap and got up. Dad took a call which got caught. I saw the number it was different started with 65 but she calling me and all was highly impossible so didn't think that way. Then again the call came. I attended. There was silence for first 2,3 seconds. I could hear my heart beating. She asked, " may i talk to Vikram ". I asked, " Who is this ". I knew it was her. My whole body was shivering. I was so excited. My BP would have shot up to a great extent. She said," guess who?". I knew its her but didn't say. She said it's Meghna(Name changed). Oh the way i behaved in the street. laughing and jumping. I can't get that moment again. I bet if this scene would have been in a movie then it would have been the best boy blushing scene. I wasn't like me at all. I couldn't understand what she was talking i was so excited. I'm as excited as that day typing this one. I talked in sowrashtra english but just words weren't coming out of my mouth. I asked her whether i can note down her no. She was skeptical but i did note it down. I messaged all my close friends about it. Omg what a moment it was.

The next day i just couldn't sit in the bus nor study for the exam i was just so excited. Raje told that he could see that. I told my friends. Unga alunga ellam ena da aminjikrai, tambaramla irunthu thaan phone panuvanga. Enaku Singaporela irunthu phone vanthuruku, Singapore machi Singapore. They just couldn't tolerate me and i couldn't just stop talking about it.

When she came online she said that she called to say sorry and that doesn't mean that she loves me and all and she said i was so excited. But i really didn't mind. She called. That's enough. If given a time machine i'll go to that day only and keep on going to that day.

Dates to remember

After the rejection we just maintained hi bye relation. No long chats.
JAN 21: Jus some 10 min talk she had mood off
JAN 29: Said that she's gonna come to chennai at year end
JAN 31: Told her story to Arun
FEB 3: Again some 10 min talk
FEB 21: Boring day fought with her, she said talking to me was just a time pass so got pissed off
FEB 28: I asked for her no. She didn't give. I gave all my family members nos. She also said about her ex boyfriend. I've written about all these in my diary. One thing to quote here, " I'm missing her more than she misses him, Hope she comes to know of it one day".
MAR 1: Again a hi bye
MAR 2: I asked her to send a photo, she asked, " why should i?". I got angry and closed the window. Well, thats all i could do. I can't go and scold her.
MAR 6: One of the very few days that she messages me first, liked my yahoo status, it read," If you can't fly, run. If you can't run, walk. If you can't walk crawl. Whatever you do reach the target". She liked this catch phrase. I have this in my first page of 2010 diary. She finally said that she doesn't want me to love her and went off. I thought thats the end.

The rejection

I appeared offline for the first time on jan 13 because was afraid to talk to her. Then on jan 14 omg can't forget the pic the green sleeveless salwar. i don't want to put 'sleevless' but couldn't avoid. Sorry. Omg omg. She was lovely. That too with a nice smiley face. I just went off. "play mounam pesiyathae bgm again". But that lasted for just some moments. I asked about the letter. She said it's not possible. She said various reasons for it but i was not in a state to listen all this. My heart broke as soon as she rejected. I didn't think that i'll ever fall in love and that too will lose my love. WTF. I wrote down all my worries in my diary. I wrote for some 2 to 3 pages of my grief. If people read those pages they will never ever scold me again. Such is the intensity there.

The love letter

Hi Sameera,

I'm starting this one actually with my hands trembling and i'm sure that i haven't been this nervous before. By now you would have guessed what it is going to be. Yes that is what it is. Read it fully even if you feel boring or find this one comical.

I don't know how i became this brave but i can't leave you for someone. It's going to be now or never.

As i have not been involved in writing love letter before this mail may sound strange. And this letter is largely inspired from Varanam Ayiram.

Let me start. The first time i saw you, you made me suffocate. Ya you made me search for Oxygen. I would have proposed to you on the day i saw your profile itself. But you would have asked like Sameera, "how you decide on one day itself?". So i avoided it. I thought of proposing you on June 3 ie my birthday,because you would have thought of something before saying 'NO'. But i can't wait till then because pretty girls usually cannot be single for a long time. Boys don't leave you. And i don't think that i can leave you for some other.

I thought you would have guessed while we are chatting but you didn't or i don't know whether you purposely avoided.

Ya i know that i'm not that handsome like Surya and you are thousand times better than Sameera. But something says that you are going to be my girl. But i'll always remember true to you, i don't lie and above all i will always keep you with a smile like a princess.

I would have proposed to you before itself but was never in a mood to lose you by making sudden moves.

There was actaully many times when i could have proposed like when you asked, "we have Sameera in this story but no Surya" and that 'HER' incident.

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=9GvdtJ4RDeE&eurl=http://www.orkut.co.in/FavoriteVideos.aspx?uid=16099048347918584826&na=3&nst=6&nid=dWlkXzMxODUzMTY1fGZ0X3ZpZCx

But leave that, let me do it finally as i said inspired from VA,

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=v50j7cJLh_g&eurl=http://www.orkut.co.in/FavoriteVideos.aspx?uid=16099048347918584826&na=3&nst=6&nid=dWlkXzMxODUzMTY1fGZ0X3ZpZCx

"Hi Meghna (name changed),
I'm Vikram, naan idha solliye aghonum
nee avalavo alaghu, inga evanum indha alagha oru..
ivalavu alagha partirika mattanga and I'm in love with you".

And can i be your 'WHERE IS HE' man.

If yes just send me an offline msg and type in that Yes as big as you can. Because i'm going be on cloud nine, ten, eleven no infinity if your reply is going to be positive. And if the reply is going to be negative type 'no' as small as you can because this is going to be my worst defeat even though i have faced many failures. But please don't go without replying.

Ya i said that i don't like friends becoming lovers concept(do you remember unnale unnale talk). You take your previous chat messages and see i have never addressed you as friend because i was in love with you since then

Hope to get a positive reply soon. Bye and i love you.

P.S.: Those two links are scenes from Varanam ayiram that no longer exist. Here's the present one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKCus3nALE8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hS6AAHzO87g&feature=related

Cut to jan 12

I have always believed that 3 and 8 are my lucky numbers. After that Arun's talk i got confused. I didn't know i really love her or its just an infatuation. I knew its love deep inside my heart but couldn't let it out. I was like VTV Jessi but boys shouldn't be like this. But i'm trying to be true here. That day i talked with her. Again one of our best conversations. I said," i initially had a huge crush on you now its more like a friend". She said she has come across like this before and its not a problem. I said i had even written a love letter. She wanted me to show that, i showed. She said she loved the letter. WTF all my thoughts went awry i should have sent the letter before itself. Said that i love her then. But no use. No girl wants a coward. I should have been brave by sending it then. This is my FIRST BIG MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. She is not the person who gets cheated by high profile English, richness r blah blah. She can read the heart out and my letter was genuine. I know it didn't have a great style or vocabulary but it was right from my heart. So i think she liked it. But couldn't she have understood that i have inferiority complex when talking to her. I was so happy that day i thought that she would accept my proposal. She said that i'm confused so she wanted me to talk about this some other day. So i went offline. But was very very glad that day.